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New for You! Divorce and Remarriage - Under what circumstances?
Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Member Surveys
This Post has been viewed 5783 times.
Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 9/26/2003
A member suggests this survey:
Is it OK for a divorced person to remarry regardless of the grounds for divorce? Does the definition of adultery extend to include mental cruelty, physical abuse and other grounds for divorce? Do you believe that God's view of acceptable grounds for divorce has changed since the time of Christ? If a woman marries a man who lied and made her believe that he is free to remarry, has the woman committed adultery in marrying him?
Female - Age Range: 21-30
I was divorced 3 years ago.
I think that I had the rights to divorce him, because he didn't respect our marriage, as well as fatherhood. I didn't want the example of a father intoxicated, around my son. I also didn't want my son to see his father being abusive, to me.
I think that God wouldn't want that kind of life for me, as well as my son.
And if I ever plan on remarrying again, I think I would have God's blessings.
Female - Age Range: 21-30
I don't believe that if a woman marries a man who lies to her about already being married that God will consider this adultery. It should however, cause her to think about why she considered this man marriage material. If he is lying about being married, how many other times did he lie to her. Did she choose God's will in this marriage or her own.
Female - Age Range: 31-40
Hi Everyone
I think that we should stick to the biblical grounds for divorce and re-marriage. I believe that if people knew and believed that divorce was not a soft option, then they would enter marriage with much more thought, prayer and caution.
On this site there are masses of divorced people. It is disgusting..... As Christians we should be an example to the world - not a hinderance. Nobody can determine another's actions - but I believe that if we take our time and prayerfully ask God He will give us the answers to whom we should marry. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to not go ahead and get married - but if you really want to serve God in all areas of your life, then you will listen to what He is telling you to do - and do it.
If someone does have biblical grounds for divorce, I don't think that they should just rush out and divorce the guilty party. After much prayer, reflection etc and if there is a true repentance and a committment from the guilty party to mend their ways, I think one should try and restore the marriage. It will take a huge amount of time and effort, but I think that if both parties are truly dedicated to God then things eventually will be okay. If after some time the guilty party does not amend their ways, then divorce them and remarry with a clear conscience - knowing that you have done your best to keep your marriage vows and have really loved your spouse as God loves them.
I believe that the rush to get married and divorced are just symptoms of us as Christians not truly dedicating and submitting our lives to God. If Christ's love really dwells in both marriage partners, there would be no divorce.
I often wonder how many people who profess to be Christians actually have a personal relationship with God. I believe that this relationship is the key to everything, how we see ourselves, others and the world. Divorce is rife among us as Christians because at a fundamental level (the one that really counts) we are not followers of Christ. We just do our own thing and use church as a social club. It is really sad.
So NO...... We shouldn't stoop to the standards of the world...... Get divorced for non-biblical terms if you want to - but don't re-marry.
God is our Father and He really justs wants the best for us.
If someone was lied too (by their previously married spouse), then I don't think they haven't committed adultery. However, if someone is contemplating marrying a divorcee they should make a huge effort to speak to their beloved's ex- partner, family, friends, read the divorce papers etc to get a fuller picture of the reasons for the divorce. It is stupid to believe what someone tells you - you have to investigate and check it out. God has given us an amazing brain and we should use it!
Even though I do believe that we should stick to the biblical conditions for divorce etc, I also think that one should have a pre-nuptial agreement. Because we have free-will, people can change and decide to rebel against God. Just because they were okay when we married, that dosen't mean that they will always follow Christ, (eg King Saul).
People rush to get married and have kids...... when they should be rushing to spend quality time with the Lord. It is like people do not think....... and just leave a trail of pain and destruction behind them.
As Christians we should remember that we're accountable to God. We need to get our personal, individual, fundamental walk with Him right first if we are ever to have happy, fruitful lives.
Aptly put, 'The greatest single cause of athesism in the world today is Christians....... who acknowledge Jesus with their lips ..... and walk out of the door..... and deny Him by their lifestyle.....THAT is what an unbelieving world ..... simply finds unbelievable'
Lorainmarie:
Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias lorainmarie
My situation was such that my husband became cruel after almost 5 yrs of marriage. This was after the following incident took place. Before that he was not violent.
He had apparantly made a phone call to a married woman who had been to our home the evening before with her husband. He 'propositioned' her during this call, and she and her husband both came to our home for their complaint.
I did not know who to believe since he stood there and said he did not do it. I was pregnant with our first child.
The thing I should have grasped was that he spoke the same way to ME before we were married. It was not good. I was not knowledgable then and grew up in abuse. This is often the pattern.
So, the churches we were in then did not believe in the various adulterous behaviors all relating to the word 'pornia' 'any sexual missconduct' these things prove unfaithfulness. This could be such things as pornography books, sexual movies, fantasizing about others, 'propositioning women' of course and sexual acts with others. The violence in my marriage began 2 1/2 yrs after this incident.
I did not leave. The churches we were in (at his 'discretion' always said i could not leave for what he did and I was not secure enough to stand alone on what I saw inthe bible. It happened again 10 yrs later and the woman called me saying exactly the same thing as before. A differnt state int eh country and this time I believed her.
The thing may be, as the church I belong to now informed me, that so often violent people are also unfaithful people. I do not know how many times this event took place. These types can be very very secretive. He always looked within himself, was not accountable to anyone else in life for much of anything. This is a secretive person's nature. Also the thing is, I believe a person would need to find out if there were any cases of unfaithfulness in their life, before they go ahead to remarry.
I TRULY thank God for his true last days movement, which I believe is the denomination I belong to. These people have preached to me the freeing truths I have longed for for decades. Praise God. I am becoming free. And here I will stay.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I noticed that the church has changed its policy on divorce to include physical abuse, as grounds for divorce. I am glad they did because this has been a terrible hidden secret for years, which caused many women in my denomination to suffer in silence. I cannot believe that a loving God would want a woman to he punched and kicked, not for righteousness sake, but because her husband is posessed by some strange devil. She may have turned every cheek she had, and did not harden her heart to her husband, but blame herself for what he was doing to her.
I think also that mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. In a programme for battered women offered in Cambridge Ontario, the social worker giving the lecture read off a list of 100 ways men hurt women mentally. From making them think that they were comfused about some incident, to creating an argument so that they could get out of staying home at night. Strange enough, this list came from men who were incarcerated for spousal abuse.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I don'think the woman commit adultery If the man lies, But it's up to the woman to investigate and really to do her homework. Anyway if the man is really a christian he will not try to lies to win a lady's heart. Any relationship built on lies it set for destruction. In my point of view , It was not a relation , but deception and i will want to terminate it and tell me if I am wrong.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
Remarrying after separation and divorce ...
Does God expect one to stay married to a man who believes his so-called christian belief is the one and only correct view - such that he no longer accepts or respects his partner for her individual views and worth as a human being?
Is one, and the children, meant to live in constant fear of mental abuse and cruelty? Is one meant to live with the incredible fear of non-survival? Such that the man believes the wife is the one with the problem and instead of looking at the impact of how he is treating her, he is prepared to label her as having a physical mental health illness, to the point of continually pressing whenever he has hurt and distressed her, that he 'thinks she needs professional help because SHE is the one who is suffering and not coping!' There have been hospitalisations and horrific bruising and scaring of the heart and mind. However, because of the man's position of medical employment and outward religous form to others, the woman's plea is unheard.
This an issue I have personally struggled greatly with.
I find it immensely difficult to understand and believe this is actually all happening.
I try to remind myself, that only God knows the situation and ones heart. No-one else.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I find it strange that the majority of Christians think that the Scripture says 'adultery' is a reason for divorce. Rather, it says 'fornication'. In Jewish law, if a man found out on his wedding night that his wife was not a virgin, (or that she had fornicated, had sex before marriage), he was allowed to give her back to her family. That was the only acceptable reason for divorce. If he did not take advantage of that law at that point & continued to be married to this 'unvirtuous' wife, he was never allowed the opportunity again. If he did reveal this out of anger or unforgiveness at a later date, he was stoned along with his wife for bringing shame upon her family's name. But that is law. We have something greater... the GRACE of JESUS CHRIST.
I will also add that I found that the word 'depart' (as in: 'If an unbelieving husband/wife departs...'} means to break covenant, it does NOT refer to 'leaving the premises'. And 'unbelieving' means that the person willfully chooses not to trust God in that situation. But seek God on the meaning yourself & let Him show you your own heart, your motives, before you make a final choice. Don't let bitterness or unforgiveness guide you. Any choice made in fear, doubt, or anger will result in pain in your life. Trust God above all things.
On another note, I find it even more strange that the church would allow divorce for infidelity and yet discourage a woman from divorcing an abusive husband. The Lord forbids that a man strike a woman or put her in harm's way. God commanded that a husband love his wife & lay his own life down for her, unconditionally. In my own experience, I have found that the church is afraid to get involved in domestic violence. But in God's Word, we are supposed to turn to the church in such situations, not the court system. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to turn to the law as I was abandoned to it as a result of the church turning a deaf ear to my cries. In the process, God protected me & made a way of escape for my children & me. Praise His name!
I know in God's Word it says He hates divorce. And I can imagine why... it breaks up families, brings insecurity and shame upon the children, scars the two who used to be 'one', weakens the church, is not a good witness to the lost world, and brings such emotional damage & spiritual warfare to the broken family. I have never met anyone who was not scarred in some way by their divorce.
In the case of remarriage, I wouldn't DARE to make allowance for anyone else. It was hard enough for me to come to terms with my own situation. I know God knows the heart. I remember feeling no peace about my life choices until I had fallen on my face, broken before Him, confessing my own weaknesses & coveteousness, finally crying out, 'Your will be done!' God knows our motives & He called me out. He revealed to me that I wanted a man's love more than I wanted His. But in His mercy He showed me that it was because I didn't know how much He really loved me. So I set out to find out how much he truly did care for me. And I was not disappointed.
In the trials & tribulations of my break-up & divorce, the Lord revealed to me His GRACE. I am still overwhelmed with the desire & sweet love God has for me, for His own. Through the process of my horrible pain & loneliness, God revealed Himself as my Best Friend, my Lover, my Shepherd, my Father, my Lord & King. I am in awe of Him. Nobody else could love me more than God loves me, I know that now.
As Paul said, 'This one thing I do... forgetting what is behind, I press toward the mark of the high calling of Jesus Christ.' So as far as God's concerned, my mistakes are behind me. If I believe God, I am accountable for what I know today, not for what I didn't know yesterday. I would advise anyone considering divorce or remarriage: let God search your heart out, hold nothing back. If we are afraid to be honest with God, even about such things as wanting somebody to love us more than we desire His love, that fear will keep us from wanting to hear GOd's voice. Dishonesty with God will result only in a daily dying spiritually. To a true Christian, it is torture to feel separation from Him & we can have no peace until we surrender our heart to Him.
Someone once said to me, 'If you have to run around seeking answers from one person after another, you're only looking for someone to agree with what you already know is wrong.' The Word says if you have no faith in something, if you're not sure about something, DON'T DO IT. Because you're only going to bring condemnation to your own heart. It is so much sweeter to run to God, to let Him see your true nature (He knows anyway!!), to trust in His mercy, to allow Him to give you a way out that will not break fellowship with Him. Believe me, God understands and cares more than anyone else.
He has proven His love to me in such a glorious way, I find that He's captured my heart. I cannot run from His arms anymore. I am always running to Him, seeking His face, His smile, His adoration for me, before making a decision. And I don't get the credit for that, I'm no goodie-two-shoes for sure. I'm just saying that His love overcomes me & I'm 'forced' to heed Him, His sweet love has that much power over my heart. He makes me yearn for His direction & guidance.
If you find yourself having to make a choice about divorce or remarriage, I guarantee you that God will have more mercy & understanding for you than any other person in this world. He is truly looking out for your happiness & health & heart. I believe God's whole purpose for us is to know how much He really loves us. He can restore what adversity has stolen from us. And it is something that the world can never take away again. 'Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart... He will direct your paths.' To trust God is to love God.
I pray His perfect will for your life, in the name of Jesus and for His sake.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I believe the key to MY answer is the meaning of the phrase, '...what GOD has joined together, let no man tear in two...' God has 'joined' me together with dozens of people during the course of my life, male and female, that doesn't mean that any of them are 'the one' that He created to be my 'Adam'.
Throughout Scripturally recorded history, God has approved of, and, even demanded divorces. Divorce is an escape from sin, not always a sin in itself. What prophet did God speak through commanding the Israelites to 'put away' (divorce) their unbelieving spouses?
I believe that Apostle Paul was speaking to people who were meant to be married, those whom '...God had joined..' like Adam and Eve were meant to be together. It was God's will before the foundation of creation; the marriage that HE planned and created.
Female - Age Range: 51-60
No, I don't believe God's acceptable view of grounds for divorce and remarriage has changed, but I fear the church is going in that direction. My husband divorced me without grounds, for another woman. When I asked the prayer warriors of the church to pray, and it became obvious he was going to remarry, they began to say maybe it was God's will. I couldn't believe it. God's word is very clear--they were and are living in adultry, and getting married didn't change that, or make it somehow 'right'. If anything, it made it worse, and just because they are together a long time doesn't change it either.
Some in the church say if you repent, it makes it ok, but that is a cop-out. If that's the case, anything goes. Is your marriage something you have to repent of, in order for it to be right? I think not. Part of repentance is turning from the sin, not adding to it and calling it 'right'.
Female - Age Range: 61-70
I do not know if they have or not, I only know that my last husband was divorced twice and the Lord is the one who picked him out for me. I was truly blessed in that marriage. I am now a SDA all because of listening to His voice and having 21 + years with him before my husband passed away. He was so good to me and he said that he wondered why the Lord had let him live after a terrible accident, and after we met and a very short courtship, we were married and that was the happiest of the two marriages. They were both good, but ours was so much longer and the Lord truly blessed us during those years in a closer walk with Him.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
If you are married there is no need for you to have casual sex with anyone else, if you do that can bring divorce.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
I believe it is okay, regardless of reason to remarry.
Now, the issue of what grounds to get divorced, or whether as many people should get married in the first place as do...
Faithfullboy:
Male - Age Range: 31-40
You may use my alias.
1- No grounds for divorce give you rights to remarry
untill the other person's death. 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 39; Romans chapter 7, verses 1-3; 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 10 and 11
2- There may be grounds for divorce but not to remarry. If you remarry in the other person's life it is adultery. 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 10 and 11; St. Mark chapter 10, verses 11 and 12 (But adultery is not mental cruelty or physical abuse)
3- God's view never changes. He permitted in Moses' dispensation 'for the hardness of their heart' But His view is 'the beginning', what Christ came for, but not everybody accepted Him. His will today is what Jesus Christ taught on earth. St. Mathew chapter 19, verses 8 and 9; and chapter 5, verse 31 and 32.
The problem is that what many understand today in St. Mathew chapter 19, verse 9 is in contradiction with that same text and the others already given above. The old testament commandment that a bill of divorce be given to the woman assumes the legitimacy of divorce-and-remarriage (Dt 24 verses 1-4) IT IS THIS THAT JESUS DENIES. 'exept for fornication', better translated 'unlawful marriage' in this context, would read like this, 'unless the marriage is unlawful'. It seems that the unlawfulness or 'fornication' of these marriages that Jesus gives as a reason why a marriage must be broken refers to a situation peculiar to His community and time: the violation of Mosaic law forbidding marriage between persons of certain blood/ or legal relationship (Lv chapter 18, verses 16-18). Marriages of that sort were regarded as incest (porneia)(which is fornication, the only cause for divorce which allows 'remarriage'), but some rabbis allowed Gentiles coverts to Judaism who had contracted such marriages to remain in them. Mathew's 'exceptive clause' is against such pemissiveness for Gentiles converts to Christianity; the similar prohibition of porneia is in Acts 15, verses 20 and 29.
4- Yes, she commits adultery, he is not free to remarry St. Luke chapter 16, verse 18.
I want to add that 'common law between husband and wife' is not a lawful marriage in God's eyes. If this is the case of some they might have a right to 'divorce' and lawfully marry (or 'remarriage' with other person in the Lord)in God's eyes. Because that is not really a marriage. But some may be so defiled by this unlawful practices by having had several unlawful husbands or wives that they better remain unmarried for life if they really get converted. Because I am SURE they are like that NEVER because of the sexual drive or libido but because of what the Bible says, 'A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.'
Male - Age Range: 31-40
Divorce hurts so many people, even those that aren't directly involved. The hurt that scares children all their lives. Divorce in case of adultury under stood, physical and mental abuse, yes. But the courts/judges need to hear all before siding iththe mother. I love my kids very much, but I settle out of coourt due to the stories go on the way the judge always sides with the mother and he has his own set of vistion guide line that are not in the best interest father. Heres a dad that went to almost every visit while the mother was carring the child, worked long hours to support his family and still came home and cook dinner and bathed the children. In arkansas it doesn't made a difference if the mother cheated on the father. DIVORCE DOESN'T SEEM TO BRING ON ANY GOOD
OZARK
Male - Age Range: 41-50
I understand God hates divorce because of the consecuences it brings i.e., broken hearts for the spouses, children, family and friends. Yet marriage, as sacred as it may be, should not obligate anyone to stay if there is unfaithfulness on the part of one of the spouses. If one can forgive, great! But we are humans with emotions and pain for some is very hard to deal with and takes time to heal. Many have a narrow view of adultery as reason for divorce.
A wife can get smacked around, as long as the man doesn't commit adultery with another woman she has to stay and receive the beatings . . . ABSOLUTELY NOT!!
We must understand that adultery is altering what is genuine, true and real. When a spouse breaks his/her sacred vows, they have committed adultery. This automatically gives the other freedom to divorce and remarry because upon divorcing, that first marriage is null and void.
We need to understand that God's commandments were given for humanity that they might prosper and have life (Deut. 5:33; 10:13). Therefore if a spouse alters the vows to the degree that life and prosperity are affected negatively (abuse-mental/physical; addictions-drugs, porno; fornication of any kind-adultery, incest, homosexuality, bestiality, etc.) the other is FREE to divorce and remarry.
Male - Age Range: 51-60
using the niv study bible as my sorce for my comments in first corinthians chapter 7 we are told that it is good if we do not marry however sinse there is so much inmorality that every man should have his own wife and every wife her own husband ch 7 vs 2 vs;6 and 7 say as a consession not comand that i wish that all men were as i am the commentat says that marrage is desirable not a command. in vs 9 it says that if they canot controol themselves then they should marry as it is better to marry than to burn with passion i beleve this is an individual choise as to marry or not now i am scripturly divorced according to duteromy 24 vs 1-4 and sinse she remaried and divorced him i am forbidden t re-marry her as she has ben defiled the conciquence is to bring sin on the land with a divorce there is always a chance to reconcile however with a scriptul divorce dut 24-1-2 we are forbiden to reconcile in my opinion there is a scriptual principle at word here a double minded person is unstable i all their ways i beleve this is referingto remaring the person after they remaried as why did you get divorced if you wanted to be married double minded in my view the one question that sould be on this questionare that isnt is is the divorce scriptual no chance of reconcilatinn or is it ope to reconcilation if not based on what is forbiden in dut 24 vs 1-4
Guapo2000:
Male - Age Range: 71 plus
You may use my alias.
Is it OK for a divorced person to remarry regardless of the grounds for divorce?
Of course it is OK but it still may be displeasing to God. I say it is OK because of Eph 1:11 …being designated beforehand according to the purpose of the One Who is operating all in accord with the counsel of His will,… So what ever we do, good or evil, God is behind all our choices. Sometimes God uses the ugly circumstances (they were pretty when we married and got ugly later) to teach us the fact that He is in charge. He is the Potter and is in change of molding us and, with the clay never leaving His hands, re-molding us to His delight. We are for Him. We are not for ourselves. Rom 9:14-24 read this prayerfully.
Does the definition of adultery extend to include mental cruelty, physical abuse and other grounds for divorce?
I suppose it could because if a man can commit adultery by looking on a woman, why not?
Do you believe that God's view of acceptable grounds for divorce has changed since the time of Christ?
There are no ACCEPTABLE GROUNDS for any divorce. He just made some loopholes for us because we are so sinful and thoughtless.
If a woman marries a man who lied and made her believe that he is free to remarry, has the woman committed adultery in marrying him?
Technically maybe so, but God is merciful to those that stumble. The vows must be lived up to in any case.
Guapo2000 (Bob)
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