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New for You! Divorce Recovery
Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Member Surveys
This Post has been viewed 3823 times.
Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 5/30/2003
Does your denomination offer enough help with divorce recovery? Why or why not? What places have you found helpful for divorce recovery?
Do you have your own suggestions to help others?
trustingHim:
Female - Age Range: 31-40
You may use my alias.
I found help during divorce recovery in several different denominations. The most useful was a class called Divorce Care. It was offered by a non-denominationl church but is offered through many churches nationwide. If your church is small or doesn't have the resources to help you, don't hesitate to open the phone book and start calling. Most churches are willing to help you even if you are not a member.
If you are recently divorced or going through a divorce, give yourself time. The 'rule' is 1 year of recovery for every 4 years you were married. You should not be seeking romantic relationships during this recovery time. You should seek same-sex friendships and spend this time growing closer to God and healing yourself.
Female - Age Range: 31-40
I don't believe there is enough continuing help for those recovering from the trauma of divorce. I have attended two different divorce recovery groups. They were helpful with understanding the emotional rollercoaster associated with divorce. I think spending time alone and with God are the only way to truly heal.
albedo:
Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias.
I just wanted to drop a note of encouragement to all those out there who have known the pain of divorce when it was not your choice.
After 13 years, and many a prayer lifted to heaven, my ex-husband came to see me this afternoon and offered a heart-felt, tear-filled apology for everything he did, the lies and deception, the affairs, etc. God has been working on his heart and he has returned to the Lord. Although he can not change anything, and indeed in my heart I forgave him long ago, he asked if I could find it in my heart to forgive him for all of it that he may be released from his shame. Wow! I tell you, only GOD can do something like that!
Don't give up praying. You do not have to 'get back together' with your ex ... but forgiveness is SOOO healing. They cannot make up for what they did. Nothing can undo the pain ... but God can HEAL! God alone can make things right.
Don't give up your prayers!
Your amazed and greatful sister in Christ,
Nadine
bloved:
Female - Age Range: 41-50
'You may use my alias'
I live in a very small town and the church that I go to only has about 100 people attending on a regular basis and I am the only one that has gone through a divorce in the last few years, so, my church doesn't have anything to help with divorce recovery.
The best thing that I have found to be helpful in my divorce recovery is: falling or calling on God. I don't know how I would have been able to get through this last 5 years without God being there for me. God has brought me a lot of healing through the poetry that He has inspired me to write.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
Hi there!
I have been divorced since 9/96 and did not find any divorce recovery programs sponsored by the Seventh-day Adventist church at that time. I went outside to an interdenominational group called 'Divorce Care.' It was absolutely excellent!! A very Christ centered approach. I learned a lot about my brothers and sisters of other faiths and found that their prayers were much more effective than mine and living for and walking with Jesus was where it was at. I had a life transforming experience at this time and found that the Lord loved me just the way I was. I didn't have to try harder to be a better Sabbath keeper or improve my diet or anything else. It was the best thing that ever happened to me!! I love my life and my walk with the Lord. There is such freedom to just love Him now.
I would highly recommend 'Divorce Care.' And please note that this program suggests that it takes one year of healing for each 5 years of marriage one has had. A good rule to go by. A twenty year marriage would require 4 years of healing. Some people jump in too fast, way before they are ready.
nanurse7:
Female - Age Range: 41-50
'You may use my alias',
My church doesnot offer divorce recovery. I wish they did. I'm not sure if they are scarred of it or just don't know how to operate one. I wish there was one.
With my first divorce I went to another church in the neighborhood.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I suspect that a small denomination/ geographically reasonable unit of it has resources for such specific services (= family therapy) Is it sin to use to non-denominational services?
A bypath: I wish I could read in the profiles, if someone is divorced, there also were information about how long ago someone divorced.
Female - Age Range: 51-60
Unfortunately I am not aware of any organised divorce recovery programs at least in my area, run by the church. At the time of my divorce I was very blessed to find some extremely supportive friends in my local church.
I was the unwilling party to divorce when my ex decided someone else was more to his liking than I was. It took a lot of working through to recover, though thankfully it is now behind me and just recently a wonderful man has come into my life.
During the recovery phase, I came to realise I had to accept 3 things:
1. That it was over.
2. That God loved both my ex and myself equally, that there were no favourites in His sight, but that we were both sinners needing His grace.
3. That it was not going to make me happy if my ex was unhappy. That meant there was no gain dreaming up unpleasant situations for him to find himself in.
It was a long road to recovery but eventually it did happen. My prayers for all those out there going through it now.
Male - Age Range: 41-50
I think it depends on the church.I am fortunate to be in a very loving supportive church.So my answer would be yes.Also it might make a difference what side of the fence your on,who left who and for what reasons.I have found my family,church,and friends to be the best places to be.But most of all my personal relationship with God.I would suggest to someone not to plunge into a relationship of any seriosness at all because 99% of the time it ends up being a bad one.Keep focused on Jesus and surround yourself with things that bring you closeer to Him.I know how easy it is to get caught up in worldly things and satan is right there in your face trying to beat you down or keep your mind distracted from Christ.No matter how dicouraged you get look to Christ for your strength,because anything else is not true strength.
Male - Age Range: 41-50
None of the churchs around my area have a divorce recovery program, this includes the larger ones as well. It is as if, should you get divorced, you have sinned an unforgiveable
sin. I realize the few biblically acceptable circumstances for divorce, however it appears that even if you did not file for the divorce and tried to save your marriage, you are still a lost sinner. I will say that a church about 25 miles from where I live did for a few months have a divorce recovery program. I do not know why they stopped. I certainly do not advocate divorce, but at such a tragic time, what a sad thing to see the church turn it's back on you.
Male - Age Range: 41-50
I do not believe that there is such a thing, unless both parties desire it. If it is a case where betrayal has occured, the damage is permament. You can learn to live with it, you have to learn to live with it, but you will never recover from it. The self doubts and bitter feelings will stay forever, the best you can do is bury them as deep as you can. You are irrevocably changed. How ever, as a parent, these feelings have to be hid and as a christian the duty is extra hard. You have to show strength, when you are weak. You have to be civil to your ex., when every natural feeling tells you to lash out. The lord says vengance is his, but time has a different meaning to God than us and it is the hardest thing in the world for humans not to react. It is unnatural, not to. But yet we can`t.A popular thing among Christians is to say that faith pulled them through, but yet the biggest attack is to our faith. How many of us have spent hours upon hours praying fot a miracle, listening to testimonies at church and on t.v. , on how prayers are always answered? So when it happens to us, and the miracle that we prayed for does not come, our faith withers. Only God can pull us through with out our faith self destructing . In my own case, it was a bad accident that left me immobilized for several months. God knew that I needed the time to absorb the situation, to get use to the idea of probably being alone for the rest of this life and that I needed the physical pain and restrictions to fight. He gave me something that I could handle, while he sorted out the stuff I couldn`t. My faith is stronger today , because, with the holy spirits guidance I have overcome. Oh, its not the happy faith that I once had, but a more reflective faith, and stronger.As far as denomination or church is concerned, I can only reflect on my own situation. I was deeply disturbed and still am, while attending church. It is a reminder of what I lost, when I see men with their wives, when I see other men with their children, and when I hear sermons about adultery. It is a reminder that some of my children are with a man who was invited into my home and family while I was at work to feed them .And God knew every thing that was going on, and allowed it to happen to me. I don`t know why.But he did. So how I deal with it, is by telling the lord frequently how badly I feel, that I believe that wether God grants my prayer request or not, it is in my best interest in the end.He knows the future and not I, and that I will rely on him. I also pray every night that he will teach me to drink from the cup he has poored for me and that I will learn to accept the bitter taste. While recovering, I listened to a sermon by a rather famous and respected evangelist. It was titled 'The power of positive affirmation', and how if you are positive , God will give you something special every day. In other words, be good, feel good and only blessings will come your way. While he was speaking I thought of people dieing of aids in Africa, starving to death and like myself, parents not sure where their children are. I realized that the poor man didn`t realize that God never promised us positive things on this earth, only the strength to overcome so that we might be with him in the next. And boy how much more thankfull the one who had trials and tribulations on this earth will be to meet Him.The cock crowed three times fo Peter, three thousand times that for me, oh how happy I will be on that day.Thank YOU for letting me vent, I knew God led me to this site for a reason.
Male - Age Range: 51-60
not enough denominations have no help for recovery because they are against divorce.they try to counsul those that are having trouble and sometimes they make it even worse.when a marriage is in trouble some pastors are not equipped to handle the situation.the person that is hurt the worse does not need critisizing but needs to be loved by his brothers and sisters in Christ.counsuling sometimes helps but in the real world only Jesus is the one that can sooth the pain.My suggestion for whatever it is worth is to know the love and closeness that you had with that person and to forgive.Jesus would forgive.Are we bigger than him.
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